About Me

Me keepin' it real before I had teeth, ca. 1982 (in case you weren't sure, that's my actual mother holding me)

I grew up a poor white child (actually, I'm half-Persian) in a small Texas town. Quinlan, to be exact. My hobbies there included driving my family crazy by jumping in front of the TV every night during the news to perform whatever song I'd made up five minutes before, and making up stories--some of which people actually believed. For a time in first-grade, I had a brother that my mother didn't know about. I quickly lost that brother when my mom found out about him because my teacher asked her if her son also had diabetes. Oops.

Somewhere in there, I learned to spell and write good. I only know that because I came reallystinkingclose to going to the National Spelling Bee in seventh grade, and the words were reallystinkinghard. If you don't believe me, ask my neighbors from around that time; my mom and I could be heard yelling at each other whenever I was studying.

Along the way, I had a few teachers tell me I should be a writer, and some college professors told me I was "creative". My guess is that had absolutely nothing to do with research papers I may--or may not--have thrown together the night before they were due.

Since another one of my hobbies is laughing--particularly at myself--I combined them all for what you have here.

In case you're wondering what "funny is the f-word here" really means, let me ask you this: how many times have you been reading something that you're pretty sure is supposed to be funny, but you can't tell because the f-word has been used 3 bajillion times? At this point, you no longer have a story--you have a really long f-bomb. So why not tell a story that has other words that start with F--such as "funny", "fantastic", "frugal..." Sorry about frugal, it was just the next f-word that popped into my head. 

My bodyguards

These are my two roommates and hellhounds--and loves of my life. Periodically--as in all the time--they drive me crazy with their antics, but if you mess with them, I will break out a level of crazy the likes of which haven't been documented yet. Yet. They will be mentioned more than once throughout this blog. I may or may not change their names, because honestly, they're not that innocent and they own what they do, so they really don't need my protection. 

There are other things that will be recurring themes, such as pancreii (I'm not really sure what the plural of a pancreas is, so I made up my own), my addiction to speed (as in--in the car, not the drug), or the things I found while picking up change off the ground in order to use the funds to retire early. Just to name a few.

Long story short, if you think God doesn't have a sense or humor, you clearly haven't met me. But you will. Buckle up! 

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